Real Women Connecting through Surfing

Surfing Jokes!

I found these on this site: http://www.isurfing.com/surfhumor.html

Things You Always Wanted to Say to Another Surfer

OK, you surf better than I do, but do you have to make it so obvious?
Its generally a good idea to look in front of you when you’re surfing.
Yes, you got 500 waves with your big board. . . now maybe you should try a turn or something.
You know, its not really fair that you weigh 30 pounds less than me.
Man you look goofy in that hood. . . Uh oh, I’m wearing one too.
What were you thinking when you bought a board with five fins?
Behind this fixed smile I’m tearing your head off for dropping in on me.
Nothing personal, but surfing is not the sport for you.
I’m proud of myself for not laughing, that has a hilarious wipe out.
I saw you kook-out on that last wave— I’m just pretending like I didn’t see it out of courtesy.
You can’t surf that well, you’re too young.
Gee you’re old. . . I don’t look like that, do I?
Please shut up, you’re getting on everyone’s nerves
Oh goody! One more story about your last surfing vacation.
Get a larger towel-- I never want to see your shiny butt again.
So you’re slim and good looking and surf well and drive a BMW. That girl with you doesn’t know what’s she’s missing.
Why can’t I do that?

Editor's note: OK, so this one was a bit sarcastic but we couldn't resist. Remember that civility starts with resisting the temptation to vent at your colleagues in the line up. Forgiveness buys Karma Points. End of sermon.

Spouse Scripts

Are you really going surfing again this Saturday?
I don’t understand it; the new board looks just like your other ones.
Why don’t you take the kids (your neighbor, cousin, dog, nephew, niece) to the beach with you?
Are you really going surfing in the rain?
What time are you going to be home?
Is the surf really better there?
You haven’t forgot about the party (church, dinner, project)?
Do you really get any exercise? Most of the surfers seem to just sit there.
How can you be tired? You were only out for three hours!
I guess the yard (garage, sink, dishwasher, etc.) will have to wait for next week.
But the other wetsuit is only a year old!

Surfers' Famous Last Words

Don't worry, those are just dolphins! (thanks, Mike)
Hey, watch this!
What's the worst that could happen?
Mine! . . . I got it!
It doesn't look that big.
Don't sweat it, there's a channel!
Outside! Outside! Outside!
It's a little big for a beginner, but you'll do fine!
You catch this one, I'll be right behind you.
I'm going to paddle out by myself, I'll see you when you get here.
Relax, those rocks are a long ways away.
Bring the boat back in about three hours, that should be enough time.
I like a short board in big surf.
Pretty good, huh? I repaired this board myself!
So this is how tow in surfing is done!
Let's both go, this wave is big enough for two people!
We're from New Jersey, can you tell us where Maverick's is?
We're from the mainland, can you tell us where Pipleline is?
No hay problema! This fisherman knows these reefs like the back of his hand!
Come on, Air Venezuela has been around for a long time.
Chicken! The Boeing 707 has a great safety record.
I love the food from vendors on the beach. . . its so natural.
That three-hour workout at the gym was just a warm up for this session.
Let's see who can hold their breath the longest!
That's too small, I'm heading North.
There are no poisonous fish in Tahiti!
Antibiotics are for wimps!
I'm a traditionalist, leashes are for wimps.
Helmets are for wimps!
You mean you replace your leash every year?
Don't worry about me, I'll warm up soon enough.
Check this out, I'm gonna' take off fins first!
OK, let me show you how a 360 is really done.
Let me have this wave, would you? My girlfriend is watching from the beach.
Hey, I can compete with the pros.
Looks like the swell has really calmed down.
I checked the internet, the swell isn't supposed to hit until late afternoon.
Surfing at night is the ultimate rush!
Let's see who can shoot the pier first!
Relax, Amigo. There are no terrorists on this island. Besides, who would bother a surfer?
I got a great deal on a rental car!
It's safe to sleep in the beach; just like the old days.
Who says a VW van can't go fast down hills?
Damn, these island roads are narrow!
The beach is just another 100 yards down this steep trail.
The water is plenty deep here.
Hold my board why I jump, would you?
He's a wimp. I'm gonna' call his bluff.
That's just an old wives' tale about the currents here.
I thought the book said the tides were incoming, not outgoing.
They don't give those young troops bullets for their guns.
Ignore those stupid signs, the City puts them up every time it rains. They do it so they won't get sued.

Editor's note: The sad truth is that there's usually a clue before it happens. Surf safe.

Why You’re Late Coming Home

I couldn’t believe how many people it took to drag that poor beached wale back out to sea.
Can you believe how much I paid for this waterproof watch and then it leaks?
Whoa, I’m tired. It was tough saving that guy and doing CPR, but the paramedics think he’s going to be OK.
I tried to make it on time, but the interviews took longer than expected.

Before Paddling Out

Please don’t let the reporters know I’m here. I hate when they follow me around.
Is that Matt Ambrose? I’ve gotta' move North, he’s always bugging me for advice.
If I don’t come back, you can have my dog.
Alert the media, I’ll be at the Pier.

When Going for the Impossible Wave

Hey, watch this!
Banzai!
If I don’t make it, you can have my lawn mower!
Why am I doing this?

After a Great Wipeout

Damn, I hate it when the seals grab your leash.
You didn’t see that did you?
Please help me kill the witnesses.
Is it your first day too?
Did I at least get a 10 for artistic expression?
I knew I shouldn’t have had group sex last night.
I guess the Surf Police are going to suspend my license again.
Other than that, how did you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

After a Good Wave

Now that I’ve shown you how, its your turn.
Please, no autographs in the line up.
Must of fired some 20 year old neurons.
Do you suppose I’ll be able to do that again in my lifetime?
What happened there?
Sure glad I had my Viagra last night.
If someone got my picture, I’m quitting surfing while I’m ahead.

When the Surf is Horrible

At least its miserable and cold.
We’ve surfed uglier, haven’t we?
I’m glad there’s another masochist out here.
Let me ask you. . . Why?
Is there a reason we’re out here?
This is desperation surfing.
This is either exercise or an exercise in futility.
Is it still considered surfing when you don’t catch any waves?
You know, golf sounds pretty good right now.
Let’s drive up and down the coast and wave at the girls (boys).
I left a wife and a warm bed for this?
Just shoot me and get it over with.
I’m sure it will get a lot worse when the tide changes.
If we could just have a few more knots of wind.
Not much to work with, huh?

When You Drop in On Your Bro’

Sorry, I thought you were going left- right point breaks only
Sorry, I thought you were going right- left point breaks only (thanks to reader Havard)
Gee, I didn’t see you.
If you can’t drop in on your friends, who can you drop in on?
That’s a payback for 1992 when you dropped in on me.
Do you still love me?
OK, next one is yours.
Did you like my bottom turn? Hope I didn't splash you.

When You’re Too Tired To Continue

I can’t feel my feet any more.
Would you tow me into the beach?
Nap time.
Is there a local bus that comes by here?

What to Say to Groms

Guess its time for me to go back to the nursing home.
We’re you born on that surfboard?
Be kind to your elders.
Yes, but I pay property taxes.
Do you want to live to be 13?
Yeah, we old guys are having a bingo party later on.
We’re thinking about putting in a wheel chair ramp to the beach.
Hell, I was surfing here before you were a nasty suggestion.

Dissin’ Short Boarders

Why don’t you get a real surfboard?
Having fun trying to paddle into these waves?
How about adding a foot to that board?
Pretending to be 16 again?
I figure the sharks will go for the people who sit lowest in the line-up.

Dissin’ Long Boarders

Why don’t you get a real surfboard?
Having fun trying to paddle out with that monster?
Do you know that the size of your board is inversely proportional to the length of (fill in the blank) ?
Do you have a Class B license for that thing?
How many trees gave their lives for that thing?
Do you need help carrying that monster back to the parking lot?
Will that thing fit into a U-Haul truck?
I thought the 60’s were in the 60’s.
Is that a Buick or a Cadillac?
Bet that’s great for fishing.
Does it come with oars?
Do you have radar and GPS for that board?